azicoaching

When ‘Mom’ Isn’t Your Whole Identity Anymore: What’s Next?

Tue, 07 Jul 2026 15:17:42 GMT

When ‘Mom’ Isn’t Your Whole Identity Anymore: What’s Next?

Image Credit: Bethany Beck via Unsplash+

For women navigating the ADHD empty nest, the question of “now what?” can feel enormous. It’s hard to get back into the swing of things when you haven’t worked for 20 years. I know, because I experienced it first-hand. Before kids, I was a full-time working speech therapist, but after my third child was born, I made the decision to stay home and raise my family.

Someone had to manage the endless school drop-offs and pick-ups, after-school activities, playdates, errands, meals, homework, birthday parties, holiday gifts, teacher appreciation and all the invisible labor that keeps a household running. That someone was me.

As the COO of our home, I held many job titles: driver, short order cook, laundry specialist, project manager, event planner, personal assistant, cheerleader, tutor, nurse, and late-night confidant to name a few. Some days it was absolute insanity trying to make sure no ball got dropped. And because I’ve never been someone who can sit still, while the kids were at school, I filled my days with volunteering.

It started small, room parent for my son’s class, which quickly turned into division rep, then PTA co-president. I also became Girl Scout troop co-leader for my daughter’s troop and later we joined National Charity League, a mother-daughter volunteer organization. During our 6 years as active members of the organization, I took on a variety of leadership roles: Philanthropy Liaison, VP of Membership, and eventually Chapter President. Even after my daughter graduated high school and moved on, I continued my involvement in the chapter in various leadership roles. I loved being of service and also being part of large community of many smart and successful women.

During those years, I was also doing intense hands-on parenting with my youngest, who had considerable ADHD challenges. I became his executive functioning coach, before I even knew what that was, helping with managing time, completing homework, preparing for tests, organizing materials and tasks, using a calendar effectively, communicating with teachers, practicing self-advocacy, planning and engaging in social activities, tracking and meeting due dates and ultimately applying for college. Through helping him, I developed a much deeper understanding how having a neurodiverse brain impacts daily life. I was eager and driven to learn as much as I could about practical strategies for managing the myriad of challenges associated with ADHD, for both my son and myself.

When my youngest left for college, my identity, so deeply tied to motherhood and homemaking, suddenly shifted. I found myself asking: Now what? I hadn’t had a paying job in 20 years. Was it too late to start over? Did I want to return to my career as a speech pathologist, or try something completely new?

Through a lot of self-reflection, I realized that all the years of raising a family, running a household, and supporting my community had given me a tremendous set of valuable life skills. I chose to combine those skills with my passion for helping others with neurodivergence and became a certified ADHD life coach.

Along my journey, I discovered another passion: coaching women like me, in midlife who’ve spent years putting everyone else first and are now ready to rediscover themselves and create the next chapter of their life.

I know what it’s like to feel a little lost when the house gets quieter and your role as “Mom” begins to change. You may be wondering if it’s too late to start something new. I can tell you that it’s never too late to start fresh. The skills you’ve built over the years have made you resourceful, capable, and resilient. This is your time, not to start over, but to move forward with courage, wisdom, and the freedom to create a life that truly brings you joy. If you are ready for this journey of self-discovery check out 9 Ways to Start Discovering What You Really Want in this Next Chapter.

About the Author
Ani Z akari is an ICF-credentialed ADHD life coach and licensed speech-language pathologist. After spending 15 years researching ADHD while raising her son, she discovered her own ADHD and now helps adults and parents understand their ADHD brains and build practical systems that actually stick.

My Undiagnosed ADHD, Freshman Year Failures, and Lessons Learned

Mon, 06 Jul 2026 15:24:18 GMT

My Undiagnosed ADHD, Freshman Year Failures, and Lessons Learned

Image Credit: Kateryna Hliznitsova via Unsplash+

I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was in my early 40s, but looking back, the signs of undiagnosed ADHD were everywhere during my freshman year of college.

It was a perfect storm of struggles, impulsive choices, missed deadlines, and painful mistakes, my brain was battling a set of invisible challenges I couldn’t yet name. The Executive Functioning Skills I needed most - time management, task initiation, planning, organization, impulse control, working memory, and self-monitoring were almost non-existent, making it nearly impossible for me to keep up with the demands of college.

Here’s a raw look back at some of the tough mistakes and failures I experienced during my first semester of college and the powerful lessons I learned that helped me become more resilient, independent, and successful.

The Taste of Freedom (and Frozen Yogurt for Dinner)

After my parents moved me into my college dorm and left, I experienced something I had never felt before: total freedom. Nobody was there to tell me when to do my homework, what to eat, or when to go to sleep. It was surreal, liberating, amazing, but it came with a price.

As a newly emancipated 18-year-old with undiagnosed ADHD , I did exactly what you might expect: I stayed up way too late (which led to a few missed classes), ate a steady diet of pizza, microwave popcorn and frozen yogurt (hello, freshman fifteen), socialized constantly and basically did everything that sounded fun. I was like a kid in a candy store running amok. Schoolwork? Eh. I figured I could cram the night before and coast.

Spoiler alert: I could not.

The Final Exam Fiasco

One of my most painfully vivid memories from that year came during my first semester finals. Most of my finals were held during the last regular class meeting of the semester, so I just assumed my history final would be the same.

Wrong.

Apparently, there was this massive, printed, poster-sized, master schedule (this is pre-internet) posted in the student center, listing every course’s final exam date, time, and location. I vaguely remember seeing students looking at it, but didn’t really know what it was and assumed it didn’t pertain to me. Wrong again.

I showed up to the big lecture hall on the last day of class, ready (well, kind of ready) to take my American History final… and the room was completely empty. I checked my watch, confused and increasingly panicked. Was I late? Was it the wrong day? I had no idea what was going on.

I sprinted back to my dorm and called the history department. The final exam had been the day before - I had missed it! In a full panic, I explained the situation to the professor and begged for mercy. Thankfully, he took pity on me and let me take the final in his office, immediately.

From that day on, I was diligent about checking the final exam schedule and never missed another one. Lesson learned, the hard way.

GPA: 1.925 and a Side of Humble Pie

As you can probably guess, all the distractions, poor choices and frozen yogurt caught up with me. I ended my freshman fall semester with a GPA of 1.925. I remember the exact number, not because I’m great with remembering details (I’m not), but because I was placed on academic probation and prohibited from being initiated into my sorority.

Out of my entire pledge class, I was the only one who fell short of the minimum 2.0 GPA requirement and had to wait and re-pledge with the spring class. That experience was mortifying and a huge turning point.

Somewhere in the aftermath of that academic wake-up call, I decided I needed to make a change. I couldn’t just cram the night before and expect a decent grade. I began looking at my class syllabi and putting in consistent, realistic effort. My GPA never fell below 3.0 after that.

Looking Back (Now That I Know Better)

Although I eventually learned how to navigate my way through college, graduated with a strong GPA, and even went on to pursue graduate school, I continued to experience struggles tied to impaired executive functioning skills related to ADHD. Graduate school, and “adulting” in general, brought a whole new set of executive functioning challenges, which I’ll share in a future blog post.

It wasn’t until years later, with a diagnosis in hand, that I was able to connect the dots, make peace with my past, and appreciate how much I had overcome along the way.

Take the Next Step: Support Your Student’s Success with ADHD Coaching

If you’re a parent of a high school or college student with ADHD , I want you to know
Executive Functioning struggles can make navigating life especially challenging.

ADHD coaching helps students learn skills, routines, and techniques to manage their time, stay organized, follow through on tasks, and become more independent, resilient, and successful.

If you’re ready to support your student’s path toward greater independence and confidence , book a complimentary consultation today.

And be sure to check out 12 Tips to Survive Freshman Year of College (From Someone Who Learned the Hard Way) for strategies to help ease the transition to college.

Packing with ADHD: Why It’s So Hard (and 10 Strategies to Make It Easier)

Sun, 05 Jul 2026 15:27:38 GMT

Packing with ADHD: Why It’s So Hard (and 10 Strategies to Make It Easier)

Image Credit: Kateryna Hliznitsova via Unsplash+

If you’re looking for ADHD packing tips that actually work, you’re in the right place. All my life, I’ve struggled with packing for trips, especially ones to locations where there’s no local Target or Walmart nearby as back-up in case I forget something essential. No matter how hard I tried, my packing “routine” never changed. I would procrastinate until the day before, then sprint around tossing things into my suitcase right up until the moment we left.

The idea of trying to guess what I might feel like wearing on future mornings, evenings, and specific occasions (when deciding what to wear in the present is hard enough) always left me stuck.

Then there was the inevitable scramble to find things I thought I had, only to realize at the last minute that I didn’t. Cue the frantic, last-minute store run.

Did I mention the amazing little travel perfume dispenser I bought after the last trip? Still unopened. In its packaging. Still completely useless because I never figured out how to fill it and certainly didn’t have time to figure it out during the next packing frenzy either.

Even choosing which suitcase to use (size matters), and not over-packing it, was another dilemma.

The crazy part is, once everything was finally packed, I still didn’t feel peace. The drive to the airport allowed ample time for me to mentally run through all the things I might’ve forgotten. The whole process was so overwhelming, I sometimes questioned whether the trip was even worth it. Wasn’t going on vacation supposed to be fun? What was wrong with me?

Sound familiar?

Turns out that for many people, especially those of us with ADHD, packing is overwhelming because it hits so many executive functioning challenges:

• Planning (How many days? What’s the weather?)
• Organizing (Different activities and events)
• Time management (The chronic urge to put it off and then the panic to get it all done)
• Decision fatigue and perfectionism (Trying to choose the “just right” outfits and shoes for every possible scenario)
• Working memory (Forgetting essentials or what’s already in the suitcase)

No wonder it’s such a struggle!

Recently, I had to pack for a two-week trip to Europe and I was determined to finally break the cycle. I combined my past packing experiences and all I’ve learned through coaching to create concrete strategies to make packing easier and even set a goal to be fully packed and ready a whole day before departure.

I started a few days early, used the new strategies, and for the first time ever… it worked! Calm, organized, low-stress packing. Imagine that! I am so excited about my personal packing success, that I wanted to share the strategies I used with the hopes that all or some of them may help you too.

Although packing may never be my favorite task, with the right tools and strategies, I know that it can actually feel more manageable, and the days leading up to a vacation won’t be as stressful.

Now, if only I could remember where I put that unopened travel perfume container….

10 ADHD-Friendly Strategies for Packing Without the Panic

1. Use a Packing Checklist
Start with a comprehensive list organized by categories (clothing, toiletries, tech, etc.). Whether it’s on paper or in your Notes app, check items off as you pack them, and keep adding to it as things come to mind. Don’t rely on memory! (Click here for my packing list).

2. Start Early
Instead of waiting until the last minute, start a few days or even a week before your trip.

3. Schedule It Like a Real Task
Block dedicated time on your calendar for packing. Treat it like an appointment, not an afterthought. Try a 45-minute focused sprint, then reward yourself with a break.

4. Check Your Inventory Early
A few days before packing, make sure you have everything you need, travel-size toiletries, chargers, adapters, etc. This gives you time to replace or refill without panic-buying at the last minute.

5. Use the 5-Minute Rule to Get Started
Trouble getting started? Tell yourself you only have to pack for five minutes. That tiny step often builds enough momentum to keep going.

6. Use a “Staging Zone”
Designate a clear surface, your bed, a table, or a corner of the floor, where you can lay everything out before it goes into the suitcase. This helps you track what’s packed and prevents overpacking duplicates.

7. Pack by Category to Stay Focused
Instead of bouncing between items, pack one category at a time (e.g., first clothes, then accessories, then toiletries). This keeps your brain from getting overwhelmed and helps you see progress.

8. Plan Full Outfits Ahead of Time
Pull complete outfits, including undergarments, shoes, and accessories, and lay them out in the staging area. You’ll reduce last-minute outfit anxiety and avoid packing a bunch of random pieces that don’t work together.

9. Do a Final Outfit Edit
Once you’ve chosen your outfits, re-evaluate them and remove anything unnecessary. Simplifying now will reduce decision fatigue during your trip and leave more room in your suitcase.

10. Only Pack What You Know How to Use
Skip the gadgets you’ve never tested. If you haven’t already figured out how to use that travel steamer or fancy adapter, leave it behind. You don’t need extra frustration on the road.

Pro tip - Make a Post-Trip Debrief List
During or after your trip, jot down what you didn’t use and what you wish you’d brought. Keep that list somewhere handy for future trips, it’ll make your next packing experience so much smoother.